Sunday, December 27, 2009
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Chemo Treatment #1
Back to Monday and the infusion...she was there for 7.5 hours getting her meds. It was a very long day and we were both exhausted by the time it was over.
I took her home with me and she has been here since.
Posted by Kristen at 11:06 AM 0 comments
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Things are Going to Get Pretty Rough Very Soon
Posted by Kristen at 12:19 AM 0 comments
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
The Finishing Touches
Posted by Kristen at 11:56 AM 0 comments
Friday, November 20, 2009
Details
Posted by Kristen at 6:36 PM 0 comments
Thursday, November 19, 2009
The Radiation Oncologist
Posted by Kristen at 10:45 AM 0 comments
Monday, November 16, 2009
The New Mammogram Guidelines Proposed by the U.S.Task Force Are Horrible!!!
Posted by Kristen at 11:47 PM 0 comments
Friday, November 13, 2009
The Medical Oncologist
Posted by Kristen at 11:25 AM 0 comments
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Not What We Were Thinking
Posted by Kristen at 6:48 PM 0 comments
Ugh...My Nerves are Shot
Posted by Kristen at 12:12 AM 0 comments
Monday, November 9, 2009
What I Did This Weekend...(I worked hard)
Posted by Kristen at 10:20 AM 0 comments
Friday, November 6, 2009
Finally Something Worked Out Right
Posted by Kristen at 11:34 PM 0 comments
Thursday, November 5, 2009
One Step Forward, Two Steps Back
So, tomorrow, the plan is to go back to Memorial and give them what for...at least until they give up the dang films. Wish me luck.
Posted by Kristen at 10:51 PM 0 comments
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
One Step Closer
Posted by Kristen at 5:30 PM 0 comments
Monday, November 2, 2009
Hurry Up and Wait...
Posted by Kristen at 3:25 PM 0 comments
Sunday, November 1, 2009
It Helps to Have A Good Friend
Thank you, Beth. You will never know what it means to me to have someone that cares so very much about what is going on with my mom.
It really does help to have a good friend.
Posted by Kristen at 11:19 PM 0 comments
Saturday, October 31, 2009
I'm So Frustrated...
How can she say that she has no one that gives a shit???
Does she not see that I am bending over backwards to stay on top of the doctors and get this stuff scheduled, so that it can be taken care of and she can get on the road to recovery as quickly as possible???
Posted by Kristen at 3:44 PM 0 comments
All Alone
Posted by Kristen at 9:40 AM 0 comments
Thursday, October 29, 2009
I Get Scared
Why does my mind automatically try to focus on the worst case scenario? Doesn't it know that if it keeps that up, it will slowly drive me to the point of losing it? With the exception of yesterday when I was in pretty crappy spirits all day, I have been doing a pretty good job of being positive. I know that a positive attitude is very important to have in this type of situation.
But there are still fleeting moments when my mind wanders to that worst case scenario.
Ainsley and I went to lunch with my mom today. As I was driving down the road, I could hear the two of them in the backseat laughing and singing and just having a great time. My mind chose this moment to wander...
I hate my mind sometimes.
At the restaurant, my mom bought Ainsley a lollipop as we were leaving. When we got back into the car, I could hear them laughing about whose lollipop it was. Ainsley said it was hers because NaNa gave it to her. My mom said it was hers because she bought it. It was a really cute little argument and it made me laugh, knowing that Ainsley didn't realize that my mom was only kidding around. My mind chose this moment to wander...
I hate my mind sometimes.
Ainsley fell asleep in the car on the way home. When we got home and I was getting her out of her car seat, she woke up and sleepily asked, "Where NaNa go?" My mind chose this moment to wander...
I hate my mind sometimes.
It scares me.
Posted by Kristen at 11:26 PM 0 comments
Why?
The quiet of the night is when it gets really hard. The thoughts and questions come at you so fast that you don't have time to duck.
Why is this happening?
Why my mom?
Why do I feel like I am in mourning, when my mother is very much alive?
Why does getting the answers back from the doctors take so long?
Why didn't God answer my prayers and let this not be cancer?
Why does cancer even exist?
Why can't we find a cure for this horrible disease?
Is it normal to feel so angry?
Who or what do I direct this anger at?
Why does it hurt so bad that the only way to ease some of the pain is to just cry?
When am I going to wake up and realize that this is all just a very bad dream?
Why can't I make it better for her?
Posted by Kristen at 12:38 AM 0 comments
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Confirmed Diagnosis
We got the confirmed diagnosis Monday. Invasive Moderately Differentiated Ductal Carcinoma and Metastatic Ductal Carcinoma of the right Axillary nodes. My mom has breast cancer.
A little background on my mom: She is a stroke survivor, 3 times over. March of 2007 she fell and shattered her right arm and needed 5 hours of reconstructive surgery to save it. June of 2007 she was hit with 2 strokes at once, one on each side of her brain. The doctor discovered that she had a patent foramen ovale (a hole in the heart that closes right after birth) and a clotting factor that causes the veins in her legs to produce thousands of tiny microscopic blood clots. These clots normally would be filtered out through the lungs, but with the hole in her heart, some of the clots were able to bypass the lungs and go to the brain. Over time, they built up and created a clot large enough to cause a stroke.
Her arm that she had rebuilt has very limited range of motion and is full of pins and plates and screws and various other metal pieces. Add the physical and mental after effects of the strokes and she was a big ol' mess for a while. My stepdad decided that he couldn't be with her anymore because she had "changed", so in September of 2008 he packed up and left her. When he left, he took the health insurance with him. She was left with nothing and no ability to work.
So, I began the process of getting her signed up for Disability benefits through Social Security. She was denied immediately. I then appealed the decision and after months and months of paperwork and red tape, she was finally approved for SSI in August of 2009. Along with her SSI, she also qualified for Medicaid for health insurance.
Because it took so long to get her approved and everything set up once she was approved, she neglected to inform me that she had found a lump in her right breast. She claimed that since she could not go to a doctor yet, there was no use in saying anything. If she had said something, I would have found a way to get her in to see someone, somewhere.
She had her first appointment with her new doctor on October 14. He checked the lump and set her up for a mammogram immediately. It was schedule for October 21. She had that done and the radiologist decided to refer her to have a needle biopsy done. That was done on October 23.
She had an appointment yesterday, October 26, to see her doctor and get the results of the biopsy.
It's all happening so fast, which is a really good thing, I guess. there just has not been any real time for all of this to sink in yet. We are now at the point where we are waiting for authorization from Medicaid for her to go see the breast surgeon.
The tumor is the size of a baseball, so more than likely when they remove it, there will not be enough tissue left to do reconstruction. She is devastated at the thought of losing her breast. I have done nothing but read any and every book that I can find on breast cancer since the doctor first uttered the words, "I would stake my license that this is breast cancer." So I am aware that this one of the most common types of breast cancer. And that it is very treatable.
It's still scary as hell. I've been holding it together pretty well since the doctor first mentioned the possibilty of cancer. But today, I'm not doing so hot. It's hard right now to keep myself together and be strong for my mom, my baby girl and for myself.
Posted by Kristen at 1:00 PM 0 comments